If you can use sex toys to help orgasm during labour then more power to you!

There has been a little fuss (very minor in the scheme of things) in the Australian media about a book written by an American nutritionist Latham Thomas called Mama Glow. Essentially Thomas has written a guide to pregnancy and labour which focuses on the ecstatic side of the process. But she has also suggested that sex toys could be used during labour.

I am not going to go into the pros and cons of ‘cleansing your wombiverse here’ as I have always been of the opinion that no one else can dictate what should or should be done in an individuals’ pregnancy. Every birth is miraculous, in part because every birth is different.

The inevitable debate in the media has centred around the good old argument of ‘this may be good for some, but do we need another book which makes women feel like a failure because they have not breastfed, delivered drug-free, have perfectly behaved children, hold down a 60 hour work week while fulfilling their husband and raising a prefect family’ and to be frank this is not a debate I wish to enter into because, well, it is boring!

Instead I want to focus on pleasure, and if that is something that you can find in the birthing suite then good on you (talking from personal experience the only pleasurable moment was when the epidural kicked in*). So taking a little advice from Ms Thomas, I have contemplated some of our sex toys and how they might assist while in labour.

Jimmy Jane Form 6 – This is the product that probably has the widest girth so well may be a sensible choice in early labour. However, keep in mind that at its widest point the diameter is only 44mm so once you get past 5 cm dilated you may want to use it for something else.

Lelo Gigi – This one is for g-spot enthusiasts, although given that the g-spot can be hard to find at the best of times it too maybe one for early labour. If it takes you 2 mins to find your g-spot and your contractions are 2 mins apart it may be a little frustrating.

Ohmibod Better Than Chocolate – Now this is one which might take you through the whole process. And it has the bonus of working with the rhythm of your favourite tunes. The only problem I can see here is that you are probably going to favour the most relaxing music possible in the birthing room, and this is unlikely to leads to strong vibrations (which will no doubt be necessary).

Tenga Easy Beat Six Pack – How is this going to help me I hear you ask? Well, it’s not. But is might keep for partner busy for a while, which could give you 10 minutes without any photos, hair stroking or inane comments about how well you are doing (buy a six pack you don’t know how long your labour will last!)

The Swan Clutch – And this is my number one pregnancy toy, no not for labour but for afterwards, because the majority of women are going to need them!

Note: In case I seem cold hearted it goes without saying that the real pleasure was meeting my children for the first time, but as words cannot do this feeling justice I am assuming that it is a given.